Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
