I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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