He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
