my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just high enough for therapy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
