i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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