she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
