Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
