Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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