Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
