Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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