I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Shame - the story of my life.
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