My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
