He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
