I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
