I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
