you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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