How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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