I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
