Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
