the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
