I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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