If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
