I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
