we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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