Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
third nipple confirmed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
