Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
