even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
