I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
