Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
then he tried to convert me to islam
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize