my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
