I accidentally burped into my bong.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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