They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
