Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize