There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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