my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
