Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize