I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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