You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
