By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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