so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
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