i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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