Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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