It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
