Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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