I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
