I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
