maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
