You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
