Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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