my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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