apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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