the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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