So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
