you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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