have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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