I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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