a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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