You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
