had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize