I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
