Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
