Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
