Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
