I want to walk on stilts...naked
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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