rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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