Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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