I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
