It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
