If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so let's talk penis.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
