The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
