Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize