did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
