Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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