So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
