Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
