You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
