I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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