your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Acid is not a monday night drug
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
