Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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