i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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