How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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