Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
