Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
