Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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