A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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