i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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