I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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