I CAN MOONWALK!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
