It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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