That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
