Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
