you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
