My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
