tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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