hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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