I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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