just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
