im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
