Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
