those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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