hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
