How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't turn off my feet"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
