when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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