Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
