I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
