My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
