Your face is a jimmy john
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize